It’s high time I get this page back to action. I’m not in the habit of outing people. Let’s make it clear that I am not outing an LGBT person because that is damaging. How about the ignorant homophobic people who make comments just to cause trouble. Those are the people who deserve nothing but the shame calling people names such as dyke can cause:

Someone Out There Needs A Smile

Written about a year ago but not previously published....

You need to be happy

You need someone out there who can make you smile

Who makes you laugh

And doesn't criticize you

And likes you for simply being you.

She likes your heart

She likes your smile

She likes the way after years of knowing you

Her heart beats faster

Her belly gets butterflies and flip flops whenever she sees you. 

After a long time of trying

Because she knows your heart is broken

Her heart was broken too and knows how you feel

You have her heart already.

Are you ready to open yours to her?

She is okay with whatever you say to her

Either yes or no is okay.

She just wants you to know

That there is a woman out there

Someone you least suspect

Who truly care about you

And accepts every aspect of who you are... 

Mitt Romney: “I have paid taxes every year. A lot of taxes.” If true, prove it.

Mitt Romney: “I have paid taxes every year. A lot of taxes.” If true, prove it.

First Myspace Blog Post of 2009...

Saturday, January 03, 2009


1st Blog of 2009

Current mood: numb

Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

2009 has to be better than how 2008 ended. A lot of uncertainty and not knowing how much loss you're gonna deal with either personal or job wise. And making decisions to speak up for yourself at a possible loss to yourself or someone else. Now you realize you're at a crossroads in your life knowing this is the year that you must make a change in your life or you will remain the bitter, downtrodden person that you've become. And hate with a passion.

I've been asking myself "What the hell happened to me? I've never felt this kind of anger and sadness before. Where did it come from? And why am I feeling this way?"

A year ago, I would have never shown disrespect to someone in authority. Now it's become second nature to me. Like it doesn't matter who the person is that ticks me off. They hear it. If I am not respected, that person will know it.

Sue :-)

My Latest Scribe and Rant

It's been over a year since I posted here. Since I last wrote, I fell in love. With a blue eyed God. I think he's the one. I am writing something in here just to let people know I am still alive. Yesterday I was surfing the web for jobs on NJ Hospital websites. I had a wave of sadness and fear and bad memories flush over me while I was looking at some of the websites, especially one hospital where two people who I used to work with caused me too much heartache and I still can't forgive for almost destroying me completely. I want to return to work but it is not easy to find anyone as a reference. I feel like I was blackballed even though it was not the case. I lost touch with some people. I emailed someone and the person never emailed me back. I can't even get hired at a bookstore. It's frustrating. When I worked I was a damn good worker until I got sick. It's like none of that matters now. The economy sucks and that's another factor. I just want to work 20 hours a week. I don't even need them to give me benefits since I will be covered as of May 1st. I do clerical work. I can type. Not well under pressure but I can type. I worked more than a decade as a medical records clerk. I delivered newspapers. Done my share of office work. I am college educated and am thinking about going for a degree in Political Science since I am a politics wonk. I  don't claim to be an expert here but I am forever reading and listening to talk radio. I listen to both sides of the aisle but I am a Democrat at heart. I also operated a switchboard on and off for two years. I spent three months doing patient registration. I volunteered for almost a year in a partial hospitalization program for mentally ill adults. I answer phones currently for an LGBT organization as a volunteer. This sounds like a resume but I am mainly venting. Let's see who sees this and knows anyone who is hiring. 

Two Years Later...RIP NIcky 2-13-78 to 1-30-09

Dear Nicky,

     Today I write to you to tell you how I am and the rest of us. We're all getting along in our lives and there is one hole in our hearts that can never be filled again. Your loss changed the course of our lives, especially mine, as I changed completely. No more Bayonne Medical Center. They did me a favor and let me go. I'm glad they did because you gave me the courage to find myself and finally figure out who I was and why I was so unhappy and miserable in my life. It turned out to be the job and my life in general. Since you've been gone I have been in the hospital three times after trying to hurt myself since losing you was so painful and I felt so alone at times. No one in the family is to blame for what happened to me. I'm just getting older and the hormones and the brain chemicals are changing inside me and the meds stopped working. Since October of 2010, I have been involved in the Intensive Day Treatment Program at Jersey City Medical Center and it changed my entire outlook on life. I am, however, unable to work full time since I got Social Security. But that's ok. I am now volunteering at the program I am a patient at and I am better than ever. You would be so proud of me. However, my medical records "career" is over. I'm done with the stress and bullshit. Hopefully I will be working in New York City at a Barnes and Noble soon. Another thing about me that we never had a chance to discuss and I'm sorry I didn't know this before you left us is that I'm bisexual. I don't know if you would have accepted this but so far, the rest of the family has. I consider myself lucky. Our family has turned out to be the beacon in my life. I also left Sherman Place and I live in the attic apartment in another part of Jersey City because living there without you was so painful. I am now happy, still single but that's ok too, and finally coming full circle.
      For the first time in a very long time, the person that I was as a kid is coming back. Just Friday night I hung out with Tony, Colleen and the kids and we all sang along to Green Day songs (Green Day reminds us of you).
     Britney is doing ok too. She's in Bailey now and they can't get over how much she looks like you. Linda and Jessica miss you like crazy. We all do. Until next year, take care of everyone we know who's with you and we'll talk again. I love you and miss you always...

xoxo

Susie....

Day After Loss Part Deux

24 hours later
Still angry
But it is starting to subside
Tears are gone though
Back in mourning
Don't have many close friends
Thought this one was for life
This isn't the first time
I was wrong
And will not be the last
This heart remains broken and battered
People wonder why I don't let many people in
This is why, guys and gals
No one will ever hurt me again